Tuesday, January 6, 2015

colorful captions but no dialogue

it is 7.30 in the morning. Everyone is asleep or on their way to work, and even if they weren't, I wouldn't want to talk to them. I don't want to talk to anyone at all.
It's just that I'm lonely. And it doesn't happen very often, so
note this day down,
the self-proclaimed self-sufficient me is feeling lonely. Just now. Note the moment down, because it wasn't the day. Days are long and much can happen. I think I'd just like to hang out silently with someone I'm comfortable with
- or someone beautiful, that works too -
wordless connection, wordless connection. Colorful captions but no dialogue.
Don't be so dramatic. Making plans for how to never be lonely again. Making arguments for why it's stupid to feel lonely. Complaining at myself for doing things - reading stories, watching movies - that make me miss things I didn't miss. Doing it willingly, knowingly. Breathing so that I can drown.
Making dramatic intrigue on my own. Excellent TV.
Just let it be. Just sit here and feel this way. Let the insides hurt for a bit. Like a muscle straining, like a sinew stretching. Soon we will be asleep, me, and me, and me, and the two-faced angel, if it ever sleeps.
But not yet. Like savoring a rare delicacy,
let's sit here and feel lonely for just a bit longer.
Happy feelings should be gulped down like waves in the ocean. Sad feelings should be sipped like fine wine. Slowly pour it over you like warm wax, then let it cool against your skin - and shake it off. The flakes are easier to clean up than the fluid anyway.