Monday, November 29, 2010

Contemplate: negative cake.

I don't like cake. Not the normal kind of cake anyway. Some kinds of cake is awesome, but only a limited few.

Does that make me a -person who become -cake?

The big question here is; by not eating cake, do I remove more cake from the world? Or is there some kind of negative cake that I'm spawning, like dark matter?

In that case, I apologize. If it's a bad thing.

Now I want meringue and whipped cream and chocolate ice cream. Meringue. Funny word.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

To Meow Or Not To Meow

I want a cat. Wantwantwantwantwant. Damned this, I soon can't stand it anymore. How can people live their entire lives without cats? I can't relax without a cat. My head won't shut up. It's better with something small and furry warming my stomach and poking holes in me with very sharp claws, very very carefully as if testing how many holes can be made before stomach-warming privileges are revoked. Something that blinks lazily at me as if saying, "you're being very silly who aren't a cat", and meows demandingly at the fridge as if saying "although you're silly I still need you for operating this unhelpful food-machine".

Someone who's mine, whose trust I'll have to win and whose companionship I need to earn. Someone I have to observe very carefully to adjust perfectly into sync with. Someone who will learn all my little invisible signs, so I can lie to my heart's content; it won't matter. Someone who will smile to itself lazily while I ramble on about the fortunes and misfortunes of life, and wait for me to sit down on the sofa so it can take possession of my lap, because it knows that the words isn't the important thing. The important thing is waking up breathing together, is my heartbeats echoing into its chest and its echoing into my hand, is being alive. Together. Someone to be the solid center of my life; my pivot point.

Cats are so much more than just cats. Not all of them, I suppose. I suppose I met the love of my life way too early, and had to let him go way too early. But maybe there's another one out there. Another perfect host for my cat-symbiotism.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Siren's Dream

This memory that makes my heart tremble,
it was real until I plucked the seams apart,
and the stuffing spilled out and turned out to be mist.
But my heart won't stop trembling.
I don't want it to.
I look back at myself and realize
that I'm standing at the edge of the abyss.
Did I make the leap?
Is it the song of insanity the sirens are singing?
Take the leap, what does it matter.
Insanity might be the only way to stay sane.

"Be careful what you wish for,
because what has been seen cannot be unseen.
And if you hope too hard for it to be real,
reality will become the dream."

Friday, November 12, 2010

OMIGOD cutest thing evar!

Look at that kid xD Biggest moment of his life! And omg wouldn't it be O.O I'm not even half the Green Lantern nerd I am other comic dudes, but that made me H.O.T xD

Also, if this is true... omg. Give it me (tm Nallenon).

CAPS IS THE SHIT DUDE (also Deadpool)

I watched some tv when DEADPOOL happened. See, there was this commercial, and I was like, I know that dude, and then "DEADPOOL! ZOMGZ!" and see, this is really funny. Because when and in what universe would Deadpool be in a manly man commercial about looking hawt and scoring chicks in tight black dresses? At the most, he'd be in a warning ad for STD:s, like "under this sexy mask hides the face of AIDS" or something. And at the same time, it's very fitting, because Deadpool is the manliest man of all, who knows when to taunt his enemies by being totally retarded, and when to run for his life flailing like a chicken.

Woo. That's how I felt when I, alone in my apartment, perked up, pointed at the tv in a widely over-dramatic fashion and yelled "DEADPOOL!". Then I laughed like a pre-adolescent boy laughs at boobs for a few minutes. Really. Not that he doesn't pull it off. It's sexy awesome. It's just that, picturing Deadpool knowing all of this and seeing the commercial for the first time... ahaha xD

Face it. It's because he scored the role that Ryan Reynolds got that commercial. Even the pansies at Hugo Boss know a true man when they see him.

Wow this is a manly post.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


If I'd never seen how beautiful you are.
Every step a longing for something I will never have.
The safe, solid, true spot of my world this soothing fact.

It frightens me to think that I could live without you.
Without ever seeing you, without ever hearing your voice or seeing your smile.
You make me incomparably happy,
but it frightens me so much my heart stops! to think that I might have been happier
had I never known you were.

Every smile hurts, every breath.
And yet it seems to me I have found the secret of immortality, for
in my heart, unendingly I will be here; forever doubting, forever fearing
forever loving.

Always keep the faith.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I am the rain

"Life is hard and unfair and then you die." It has been said a hundred times over in different ways.

My uncle is dead. Like the cat in the box he wasn't dead until the words are spoken to me, in my world. But out there in the real world, his heart stopped beating.

I try to live out there in the real world and I feel like I'm visualizing ghosts - no, not even ghosts; like I'm trying to sculpt rain. I don't belong here. I wasn't equipped for this.

Is he really dead until I've put my hand on his chest and felt that his heart isn't beating? Is he really dead until his body has rotted away in the ground? My cat is very much alive in me, as much as when he was actually breathing, so why would the death of a human be any different? In my world, since I hardly ever saw my uncle, if I never see his body, if I never go to the funeral, is he really dead?

It's not my uncle's death that upsets me, but the death of my uncle inside my father's world. And it's not the real world that scares me; it's my world. Me. And the wonderous ways I could destroy me, so easily, so fabulously, so beautifully.

Life really is hard and unfair, but what if the inevitable death is not the final injustice but the reward? "Congratulations, you made it. You survived." What do you think? More dramatically viable?