Friday, September 28, 2007


I am so dead tomorrow, but I found this webcomic, and I put the link in the Webcomix link-collection (left side) and I just had to finish reading until today's post. Last Blood, that is. Crowfeathers did basically the same thing to my sleep, and it's just a matter of taste which is better. They're both serious, the art is mindblowing, and the thought rather different from the other comics I have there. Read them! At least one! Come on!

I have so much respect for manuscript writers for comics (and the artists of course)! Comics are such an underestimated storytelling medium! It should be included in litterature courses, because the written word, and the order it is presented in, is just as important as in novels or poems. I wish I could "think comic", I bet I'd become a better writer by it.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Fancy post this time.

Yesterday we watched Hero, today we watched Treasure Planet, which is horribly Hollywoodized from the book Treasure Planet that it in all other aspects steals from unless it's boring or tragic, in which case it smuffs it upp with teary eyes, or otherwise mutates into space-whatever-spacy-be, but what else could we expect from Disney. But I digress. My point was that I seem to be spending a lot of time with Therese and David. If all goes well we'll be watching Shrek 2 and 3 on Sunday.

Considering Alexander's language and slightly strange reactions to my constant lesbian-talk, that I just can't resist no matter how non-sexual I am, I wonder what his take on homosexuality is, really. It might just be that he finds it tasteless. But it might also be that I am dreadfully over-interpreting as usual. (Though to be honest, it's not as much over-interpreting as finding out people's secrets just because, and then let them pretend it's not true, fuelling my dark and negative perspective on mankind.)

Goddess how many dashes I use these days. I think I'm learning letter-art from reading the revered Mr. Aidan Chambers again.

Gonna go research Coal-14 now.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Blue Pills

Overslept this morning. Or, I dunno if you can call it oversleeping when you do it on purpose... I hate mornings. And I hate having to go to bed at night, when I'm finally beginning to wake up properly. The world is so nazi to us bats.

As someone here would say: "Asså, det tycker jag är diskriminering." ^^

When I forget (=stop) to take my medicin I get the Worst. Craving. For. Candy. Ever. And then I get a little dizzy in the afternoon/night. Which always ends up with me taking my medicin again for a week or two, enough to feed this evil circle. (The reason I try to stop is that I want to stop: I don't think I need it anymore and it's expensive.) Sometimes I also go all depressed and whiny on your asses. Which scares me, because what if I become like that always if I stop? And then I want to snack on those little blue pills forever. A feeling that never lasts after I begin eating them again. I think I need to call my doctor (who, by the way, is a total hottie and sweetheart. I seriously considered asking her out, but I don't have the balls for it, which is why I'm now reluctant to call her).

*kicks myself* Go to bed!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Intimidating Internet Irons


I passed two hours on the phone with Sara last night, and after that, stupid as I am, I was just going to check up on some stuff on Jeremy Irons, because I watched the Lion King last Friday and he does the voice of Scar. Naturally I got stuck until 3 in the morning. The man has the *lovliest* voice, and I found YouTube clips of him singing the songs from My Fair Lady. He was something like 39 in those clips, and so damned handsome. He's something like 59 now, but surely doesn't look like it. I should start dating older men. If only I didn't feel so intimidated by them.

Talking about intimidation, I always feel like I get desized by talking to other people. I go into a conversation feeling fairly confident and natural, but ending up feeling like I'm 7 and everyone else is not. But it's probably just an illusion. I was a bitch at 7. Not that that has anything to do with anything.

Saturday, September 22, 2007


Don't paricularly like today. The weather is nice, windy and gray like I want it, and I've been unusually social for a saturday, but something's still off.

I had a good time yesterday watching three Disney in a row (The Incredibles, Pocahontas and The Lion King), and picking a fight with Therese until we were throwing candy wrappings all over the place. Our kitchen was seriously full of people watching kids' movies. I love being this age; old enough to dare to be childish. Now people are watching the Blues Brothers out there, but it didn't really amaze me, so here I am.

The main contribution to my foul mood may be that I can't seem to get anything done. Hard to know if it's because of that I am sad, or if it's because I'm sad that I can't concentrate. Either way, I need to read a whole boring book and write some stupid poem until monday, and I can't even get enough mind together to be able to write Kirya (as I have named the second installment in the Tales of Ruins epic). And my eyes hurt. They do when I'm in a bad mood.

I think I'm going to watch the Merchant of Venice and drown in Jeremy Iron's voice. Or I'll go for a walk. Maybe both. See you.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Sleepy Kitten

I love my drawing tab thingy (for drawing directly on the computer). Becomes so much easier to doodle, and I don't have to waste paper.

Watched Ocean's 13 yesterday,
and Pride and Prejudice the day before that.
Ocean's wasn't anything special, still good entertainment.
Pride and Prejudice was pretty good. it got slow at moments, but maybe that is because I've read the book before. I also think the book was better, because you get to see much more of how intelligent, and proud, they both really are.
And I guess it's no secret that I like Keira Knightley already. She didn't do any more than usual in this movie, though. I still think she's about her best in Bend it like Beckham, and while Orlando Bloom is overshadowed by Johnny Depp in Pirates, she manages to just keep her head above the surface. In King Arthur she's just showing skin.

Oops, gotta go, missing dinner!!!

Wrong and Right

If you tell me an idea or a theory I can tell you what's good and bad about it, but I can't tell you if it's wrong or right. Simply because I don't think life is in any way wrong or right. Everyone must make that out for themselves.

I can make almost any proposal sound really profiting, or really unprofiting, the problem lies in belief. My beliefs change as I go along, and I'm too much of a perfectionist to say anything because I know chances are it will change later.

What I also discover is that people are really reluctant to give all information. I don't want to be fed an opinion, I want to know everything pro and con and then weigh it in my own head. But feeding opinions is just what politicians do. If this is a democracy, and we are the ones who lead this country together, then we must also understand what we're doing.

Are people generally too uninterested, too stupid, too lazy or too naïve to see this? I vote for stupid, possibly naïve. It's not about shouldering your own responsability, it's about seeing the world as it really is, without the roses and petals. I know that when I'm too lazy to take the bike, I release more killing gases into the air with the bus. Taking my responsability is to on the final day look into God's eyes and say; Yes, I did that, now send me to Hell if you want.

To be a wo/man that I can respect, one must be able to kill a man, then stand up and say; I know it was wrong, but I did it for my own good reasons, I will take my punishment and burden. (This, on the other hand, does not necessarily mean that you confess in front of the law. It means you know of both the good and the bad about the deed you have done, and that you're ready to live on.)

This is my faith. That it is the freedom of man to do wrong if he so wishes, with his full awareness and consent.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Short Story

Puh, finally finished that short story for school. I put it up too, since I think it turned out quite nice, though we had a page limit of 4 or it would have been a lot longer and a lot better. I named it Storm, but I suck at titles. And it is in Swedish.

Today we had café-night and Mickael (I hope I spell it right) read a poem in French and I read in Swedish, for half the school or so. It was a really nice poem, and I think we did well, and I think if I write a poem in Swedish that is good enough I might read it there. I'm really becoming more used to the limelight (though I know I pretend otherwise out of habit). You know, how am I supposed to live off of writing if people don't know about me?

The poem was called "Dejuner au matin" or something like that. "Breakfast", that is, but I think I'll put it up somewhere here or a link or something. I really liked it, though it's simple. But now I'm going to go to sleep.

(I can't turn off my computer because I've forgotten my password -_- I'm so stupid)

Monday, September 17, 2007

Random Stuff of Life

"[Iceye] says:
you have the heart of a romantic

[Iceye] says:
much more important than cavemany social skills

Riklurt | The Prince Buffoon says:
I know, I dug up John Keats and stole his remains.

Riklurt | The Prince Buffoon says:
I keep them in a syringe."

I'm learning to draw cats. It's harder than people.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Past Future

I would have loved you
Until the pain
of silence.
I would have told you
The truth of
words unsaid.
Now we must bury
Truths that
never were.
And silence was,
and silence is
The only hope
that's there.

Human beings

Last week I was whining about unsocialness again. Then I was asked: Do you really not get anything out of socializing?

It got me thinking. I hadn't quite seen it from that perspective before, mainly because the first thing I figured when I was a kid was that unnecessary socializing was a complete waste of time.

What of now, then? Is it still a waste of time? In many ways yes. But being a human, it is also no. Human being need other human beings. And maybe it's time I gave up all ridiculous dreams and began acting my species.

To sum it up, I miss someone, but I said I wasn't going to write anymore about him here so you get my existantial ramblings instead.

Thursday, September 13, 2007


When I woke up this morning I thought today would suck. Mainly because I'd deliberately overslept (if acting on behalf of a malevolent depression gnome only active on mornings counts as deliberatly) and thus missed my breakfast. Meaning I would not have eaten for 19 hours by lunchtime. Luckily I was treated to a bun and three bits of sugar that took me through the last 3.

We visited Gustaf Frödings house, that was not his house, yet his house, only rebuilt and remodeled and... whatever. It was booooring (but the girl speaking was really cute) until I got my hard earned sugar and some old, cool actor showed up to read poems in my own home dialect, which was really nice.

What made this day not only lack the sucking part but also turn out quite nice are following:

1) Cute half-goth boygirl, aka Therese, came to make sure I hadn't overslept so I wouldn't miss the bus. Like many great people have said; feeling wanted and needed is right up there on the list with food and sleep.
2) After the poems we got to stay in Karlstad for a while and eat lunch (for school money). We went to Myrorna and poked around the clothes section, and I bought a t-shirt. First time in a long time I'm satisfied about any piece of clothing I've bought.
3) Got to draw doodles on Therese's arm the whole bus drive home.
4) Our bus driver looked like a retired Wolverine. (Alexander claimed he looked more like Beast, but I know best.)
5) All homework for tomorrow is finished and relieved of performance angst.
6) I got Wolverine to drive me into Munkfors so I could pick up the package of books I've been waiting for. I also bought some salty licorice.
7) We got pasta for dinner.
8) I'm on cleaning duty, and crawled on my knees vacuuming around five boys dying at one boss in some odd game for SNES, and for once I'm not the geek wasting my time while other's work!
9) I'm going to spend most of tomorrow translating and practicing poems with my fave french boy, and
10) Tomorrow we get chicken nuggets for dinner.

So there. The list of how to make me happy.

Yeah, and Sara called. Sara, listen to "My Best Friend" by Jennifer Brown.

I need to call Rikard.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Walk

I dreamt about trying to walk home barefoot from this really weird place. Sand, snow, gravel, strange plants, climbing hillsides, following this road that would take me home. At first we were a group of friends, but once we came to snow they stopped. I was afraid to walk across snow because it would cut me, but once I'd passed the first patch of hardened white crystal, the rest of the snow turned to soft new powder that was cold and gentle to step on.

I tried to hitchhike with an old couple and a hotshot in a cab, but both ignored me. Military vans passed me going the other direction, I never saw anyone inside them, not even a driver. I walked through a shallow sea where the bottom was made out of pumpkins that felt like peaches to step on, and the last few meters were so deep that I had to swim even if I didn't want my clothes and stuff wet. I saw lots of people enjoying the nature and trying to buy souvenirs, but they all had shoes.

Finally I ran across a plain of soft succulent cacti without thorns to catch a scrappy ugly old bus. By then I had lost all sense of direction, but the driver told me that it would take me home.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Writer's block. Wriiiiiteeeer'sssss blooock. T_T I need to write a short story for school (the short stories of england need an own name) and I have no inspiration whatsoever. I write crap right now. C. R. A. P.



Saturday, September 8, 2007

Ooooh lord. I have no idea why I didn't go home this weekend, seeing as I have nothing do to here but play computer and seem like a complete idiot to everyone else. I'm sweing on what will become a checked vest back home, and I'm really anxious to finish it, cause I know it'll be handsome as hell. So why didn't I go home? Life is strange.

As for the LAN I was supposed to be on this weekend and that I skipped for no real reason... to be honest I wasn't all that up for it either.

Electricity has behaved like a mother on anti-depressants today, coming and going on a whim. Threw me out of Wow something like four times, three of them in really bad moments. It also left me in the dark in the bathroom, killed the stove when Kristin tried to cook, killed the tv when fifteen people were watching a movie - four times or something - ... and so on. I can imagine Anna's screams of frustration echoing through their boarding house when it killed her raiding.

And just so you know: I hate, hate, hate, hate STV.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Gosh, I just read that haiku and then the poem I wrote after that, and damned how much swedish sucks compared to english. Especially when it comes to poems.

I need to speak english more. My english is deteriorating to some kind of swenglish engdish. I couldn't care less if I rape the swedish language with english words, but if I start mixing in swedish words when I'm talking english someone has to shoot me, quick, or I'll choke on my own tongue and die in my own vomit.

Oh, and watch the tv series Heroes on TV4 21.00 every... is that wednesday or thursday? Well, it's worth looking up. Seemed really cool.

About the Charlies

Like someone kindly commented, for now I'm writing about some people in codenames since I have no idea what they would think about me writing about them here. I do use codenames that will mean that people who know them will know it's them, so maybe it's kind of useless.

Besides, Charlie1 and Charlie2 doesn't seem like the world's most timid people either.

So... maybe it was an unnecessary precaution. Charlie1 is named Alexander (and is, in terms of metrosexuality, spookily alike the last Alexander I knew, though he dresses in a more Squall-manner than alternative pop-manner) and also wears a Squall-necklace, Charlie2 is named Anna and is... well... I'm not sure how to describe her. She plays wow. She quotes corny internet movies all the time. She's blonde. And she's kind of hot, I'm sure a lot of people would say. She's also smarter than she seems at first. I really hope she doesn't read this. =P

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Go get laid!

I was just granted the greatest honor of all; someone came out to me, first, as in, I think I'm now the only one who knows around here.

And I had a sandwitch with someone great, and I did my homework in time and did it well, and I talked to my housemate, and I got up in time for breakfast this morning, and I welcomed our new housemate and I think I did well... I'll never complain about being unsocial again. Today rocked, despite another dinner in the spirit of Charlie 1 and Charlie 2.

Charlie 2's boyfriend is here tonight. Someone's finally getting laid.


Okay, more poems

In these short Instances
I see you the way you looked the first time
I saw you,
and I know that I don't know you
but I will.

I think I won't give any explanations to poems... I used to, everywhere, but poems are so personal... it might destroy the experience, while I know that to some it heightens it. I'm not sure. (All poems I write have an explanation.) I know I would love to know what other people see when they look at what I write, so I wonder if they would want to know what I thought when I wrote it? I guess it's different for everyone.
Well, this poem doesn't have a title, it's not supposed to have a title, and I wrote in just a minute or two. Just an instance.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Have to take this in swedish now:

Skrev haiku på lektion, brukar hata haiku intensivt, men vi fick lyssna på musik först, bl.a. ett stycke med körsång med bara en melodislinga som upprepades. Det är något magiskt och mäktigt med sång utan ord.


kraft från skillnader
känslor utanför orden,
en röst är alla.

Kanske putsar mer sen... men alla som någonsing sjungit i en kör och satt sitt hjärta i sin röst förstår vad jag menar. Det finns ingen större känsla av tillhörighet.


Went home for my mother's birthday on saturday. Then she told me she'd moved the party to friday, so I'd missed it, and she hadn't informed me. It's like they assume that I come home to them because I should come home every weekend. I just wanted to celebrate her birthday and meet the gramps and everyone. I'm a little pissed, actually, especially that she treated it like it was nothing.

I wonder if I am bi? I dismissed it before, but now I'm wondering again. Mainly because of a pretty half-goth boygirl. Not that I'd have any chance on her. I wonder if I should really write that here... =P

Attended a "party" here on friday. Had nothing to drink, so I ended up playing Mah Jong until 4 in the morning, when I could get some sleep. The walls are everything but soundproof. But it's okay, I don't usually sleep on weekend nights anyway. Having some guys play Wii Sports outside my door at 11 pm. last night was slightly irritating, though. (today is monday)

Should be watching said boygirl play floorball right now. Might gather the courage to next week. As long as I can avoid invitations to play. Don't wanna show her how much I suck, at least not yet =P