What I've Done

I wrote some shit last night. Might put it up later once I've eyed through it for spelling and stuff. I'm just telling you this because a) I've felt so goddamned uninspired the last week (although I have written some more on Kirya, it just hasn't felt very exciting) and b) I have a lot of things I want to write on this blog and most of all drawings I have in my head that I want to do and put up, but since my computer is faaaar away back home and I'm stuck with crappy touch-pads (sorry, friends' computers, but you suck) I'm here rambling about nothing again.

Through some roleplaying my thoughts were led onto the subject of beauty again. That's what I've written about, basically. And although what I wrote should scare me, and should say to me I need to change my attitude to stay a human being, it doesn't. Some things in life are worth dying for, just like some are worth killing for. Not many would agree with that beauty is one of those things, at least not at first thought. But it would be kind of boring if everyone in the world were the same, no? I'm just adding variety to life :) and maybe to death.

Cheers.

Knowledge 2

More things I'd like to do, in the name of subjective knowledge:

* Smash a window (or any glass) with the little hammers designated that purpose found in busses.
* Meet my grandparents back in the time before they were grandparents.
* Learn a part in a real play (or part thereof) written by someone else and in a serious manner, but not necessarily for performing in public.
* Learn to ride a horse.
* Work real charity shit, like in Africa or something.

In other news: back from Uppsala. Sorry you guys I didn't get a chance to talk to you more seriously, which I would have wanted, things went kind of fast and I was really tired. Hospitals tend to drain energy as if I was a zombie with a barrage of regen cast onto me - and they stacked.

MRI, Bus, Rik's, Creativity, Kristin and Uppsala.

I went to K-stad this Thursday. (More MRI, I love them. I mean, radioactive stuff in my bloodstream, being basically cargo-lifted into an enormous machine with one tiny entry and lie there in that tight white tunnel with one blue line to stare at and absolutely forbidden to make the smallest move, barely allowed to breathe for half an hour, while the monstermachine thunders and clonks like a spaceship repair around you. No, really. You think I'm sarcastic, but I'm not.) I sat on the bus and a hundred thoughts passed through my head at amazing speed. Buses are the most perfect place to think, thoughts just fly away like the passing forest, nothing else to distract but enough stimuli to make your head start off.

I thought a lot about the wonderful and rewarding conversations I, or we rather, had while at Rik's. I make myself wonder why I ever thought the world would be a better place without people. The correct solution is: the world would be a much better place with the right people. I know I can't express myself very well in speech, and maybe not well enough for some of you in written word either, but talking like we did is really giving me so much. Which is why, I guess, I always walk around on clouds for a day or so and then crash with all the right gravitational values doing a fair d20+10 bashing and have to crawl up from my body-shaped pit with claws and teeth. Why does the word "leave" have to exist? I think I'm going to start seeing it as "breaks" instead, between visiting.

Anyway, I'm out of the pit now, and today for the first time in months I really feel like writing. We'll see if anything actually comes out of it, but either way, it's a big confidence boost that I even had the urge. Lately creativity has been limited to school and SketchChallenge. So sad. Okay, I wrote all this in one streak as it came to mind, so let me go back and divide it into paragraphs so it's actually readable =P

There. ^^ Oh, and we got some extra time (I got, not you Phaze) for the Antologi. So if you haven't already, do like Kristin and put down a vote on the previous post for which poems you think should make it. I still have the final word, and once there I'll probably choose completely different than what you ask, but I still want to know. (I'm actually not really sure whether I'm joking, lying or being serious right now.)

Oh, btw, I'm going to Uppsala from the 5th to maybe 7th or 8th to the great big nice friendly not at all striking hospital. Probably. Unless they really are striking a strike. Mom will be with me and I dunno how it's gonna be and afterwards I'll be exhausted, so even if I should, I probably won't have the energy to visit you guys, unless they won't have anything for me to do any of the afternoons, because then I might be able to dump mom and pop by to show off my awesome and cool hospital identification bracelet. Anyway, we can probably talk about this is you guys have time and feel like it. Hey, you might even be able to pop by the hospital and see the nice and surprisingly white room! =P Yeah...

Allrighty-o. C'ya.

Points and wild horses

Just came back from Uppsala. Great weekend. My mood curve went up 100 points, then dropped 150 when the time came to leave. When I'm around these people, I'm in this bubble and I don't need anyone else. That's why I don't want to move there, because I think it's healthy to meet other people too, and it's scary to be so caught up. =P Then I thought, what the hell, you don't need anyone's acknowledgment to feel good, girl! Not even these guys, no matter how great they are. I didn't think I'd be so easily manipulated, but my mood curve took another flash-jump up 65 points. So now I'm pretty much back to normal. Especially since I've actually done my homework.

I don't know why I keep coming back to what feels like the same subject, but - another analogy since they're my thing: my mind is a horse, and I haven't tamed and trained it properly, but it's so beautiful in the wild that I'm reluctant to do so even if that would increase the effectiveness. Make sense?

I think reading The Game is helping my confidence. Weird. But appreciated.