Thursday, October 9, 2008

Reflection... inflection?

I actually had to buy a new headset to get Skype working. So to not let my money go to waste, sms me your Skypes, everyone :P The idea was to cut cellphone bills and get away from MSN... although I've noticed that if MSN cuts my computer speed by half, Skype cuts internet speed by three quarters... you win some and lose some.

What else... I'm looking for an education that would take me to Uppsala, since I have two friendly friends who also want to go whom I could share apartment with, and since I made a plan... actually, let's talk about the plan.

Did everyone read Loverboy's post about being out of balance? My instinctive question was, how? How get back into balance? Do you know what brought you out of it? If so, do you know how to get it back? I've been out of balance for about five years. So what is balance, really?

I don't have any answers, do I ever have? But I started out at the question, what is most important in life? What could you absolutely not do without? What is the thing you would never give up, even if you had a gun to your head? Or to your loved ones' heads? I went through a whole lot of things; love, home, material possessions versus spiritual, survival versus ideals, but my final answer ended on respect. If someone held a gun to your head, would you still respect yourself if you gave in? If the answer is yes, if you have good reason, if you can live with it, then okay, give whatever up. To look at the other angle, can you live without the respect of the people around you? I'm not asking, can you survive. Live. So; cred, simply.

Step two. If respect is the all-time star of the game, the player you can't be without on the field, then logic says you have to do everything you can to get him on that field and keep him there. How? So list number two was born. The list of what I theoretically must have to have respect, well, two lists, one for self-respect the other for the outside, although I soon came to the conclusion that if the self-respect quota is filled, most of the outside follows per automatic.

And, finally, one of the posts on that list was, having my own place. Supporting myself too, but further down the list. Having my own place, space... simply somewhere where I call the shots, where I don't have to ask mom if I can take the last apple and don't have to explain why I'm not there at dinner. It sounds trivial, but I suppose it's like a symbol somehow. Independence, maybe. Or the satisfaction of knowing that I can. That I can survive without someone doing my dishes and telling me to vacuum.

So... Uppsala. The first step towards a better me. Are you guys still reading? Okay, then just stop me before I completely embarrass myself :D See ya around!


Rik said...


Um, from a slightly less selfish point of view, good on ya for coming somewhere in your contemplations. Contemplation can be a bitch, sometimes.

Nightflyer said...

YES! Come, come COME! =D
This is one step further in the reconstruction of old times and pleasantness. ^^

Who are the friendly friends btw?

Eva said...

Welcome, to the city of studies, deary!

It will be awsm.

Kristin said...

Finally you have come to your senses! Well, that's my personal opinion at least - and has been so for over a year now. It would be nice if you don't take this as an insult but merely an observation on my behalf that once you've moved away from home it will always tear on your sanity and confidence to move back home again to live at the mercy of your loving parents.

Loverboy said...

When I am free just living makes life worth living.
Maby I should define freedom..

Iceye said...

Yeah, I think freedom would require a definition. :P

Rik said...

No, don't define freedom! You'll trap it!