Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Kick me

I went back to my parents' place for summer thinking it could be a new beginning of sorts. I haven't been writing much. Since I decided to take school seriously enough to not fail the courses, and began playing Left4Dead with not just the intention of having fun but also to become good at it, alongside trying to keep up with cooking, cleaning and general chores, my days filled up rather well. On top of that trying to be social once in a while, and for intellectual golden stars reading books at open moments like when visiting the bathroom. And then accidentally stumbling upon an excellent PSP game called Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness did not help. Do I have too high expectations on what to manage day-to-day?

Okay, so going home was going to give me a new start. Away from Left4Dead, and not having to do all those chores anymore, as well as having a valid reason for being very unsocial, left me with no pressure and a perfect opportunity. What did I do with that opportunity? I started playing WoW.

Cue ironic laughter.

I bet Shakespeare didn't have to deal with those distractions. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot for a writing career. Money, time, cooked food, social life, even love life. But apparently, my gaming needs tops all of that. And behind all this I can't help but feel that I'm stalling. I'm making all these excuses to not write. "I should cook more seriously." "I haven't visited my friends in a while." "I have time to play one more round." "I should be outside to get a tan."

Writing used to be the core of my life, the time when I felt best about myself. It didn't change. Did I make it change? Did I fall into the trap of leading a "normal" life and lose that magical link to the other worlds? No. Not yet in any case. But I need to stop. I need to leave this "normal" crap. I need to sit down and write, no excuses. Because in the end I think I'd rather die poor and alone, then never channel these worlds where they won't die with me.

One thing I know for sure; I can't have both. Maybe it's time to make a priority list and stick to it.


Rik said...

Want is a funny thing. It has this tendency of overriding itself all the friggin' time.

Iceye said...

Want has no logic. It wants things for different times and different purposes and cares very little if any of those fit together. :(