Sunday, May 20, 2012

To die a lizard and wake up a dinosaur



One evening long long long ago, a giant lizard died. One day not so long ago, its bones were dug up and suddenly it was a dinosaur. One day at some point in time, a wolf gave birth to the first dog. Every night people go to bed a man, a mother, a wife, a husband, an immigrant or a worker and wake up a father, a grandmother, a widow, an ex-husband, a citizen or an unemployed.


People who don't like themselves feel trapped in who they are. I feel paralyzed in fear of changing. And, true to form, I feel trapped in feeling afraid of the change. I've accepted and to some extend embraced the fact that things and people around me change. But I am Me. I am God. What if I change, and then wake up one morning realizing I've become Not-Me - and by extension Not-God? What if I try to change and realize that I've lost the ability to? Or, horror of horrors, what if I become Not-God, and don't notice because I no longer can? I've seen the incredible powers human minds possess to shape themselves for whatever purpose; the power of manipulation, suggestion, hope, belief. It's like trying to trust every ant in an anthill.




All the little pieces that make up a "me", they're all necessary, right? Like the single stone that tips the scales, one piece might be all you need to remove to make the scales go the other way and suddenly I'm someone else. So what if I let my cramping fingers rest and go along some more with change, and then break one of those essential pieces? I wish I knew which pieces were required. Of all the things I love, if I lost them I would miss them but if I lost me I might not love them anymore, and for some reason that's so much worse. But things that stagnate rot and die. Lizards are alive and well, dinosaurs are dead.



If you were stranded on a deserted island, what single part of yourself would you bring with you?

8 comments:

ShadoWolf said...

By "single part of yourself" do you mean only items that I can claim the sole "ownership" of? For instance, I could say that my mother is a part of me but as she is her own individual I can't really call her mine, can I?

So if I can't bring my mother to a deserted island (which would be rather selfish of me unless she wanted to come) I'd bring my imagination becasue with it I can create almost anything.

Change is horrible and sometimes the most beautiful thing you can imagine. I think I struggle much the same with it as you do, but I also think I struggled more as a teen and that I just recently started to accept it better. I'll probably never come intierly to peace with it and expect to have many clashes with it but sometimes I think it's easier to just go with the current. Some of them at least. Some currents should be struggled with, I guess, but it's hard to know which ones. I tend to go where my heart and gut tells me. No matter what. Some times it's good and some times it's bad, but I always learn something new and knowledge is always good. There's no such thing as bad knowledge. And when there's no knowing what will happen if one does this or that all you can do is weigh the things you have now with the things you might win and/or lose. What do you want and how badly do you want it? Is it worth it?

Not easy, I know.

Sara said...

I think I'm afraid of change more because what if I change and the people around me don't, or what if they change in a different direction. This has happened to me so many times already and I'm tired of losing friends. Because new friends are very hard to find and because even if you get new friends you will never stop missing your old friends and miss the part of yourself that went with them.

Sara said...

I guess that actually is pretty similar to the post, except that I tie my different aspects or "pieces of me" to other people.

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rahul thakur said...

Some currents should be struggled with, I guess, but it's hard to know which ones. I tend to go where my heart and gut tells me....







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Char lotte said...

Some times it's good and some times it's bad, but I always learn something new and knowledge is always good.....






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