Monday, February 15, 2010

A string of moments

I'm in love with moments.

Like the moment when a story comes together. When I've written forty pages not knowing if I can keep up with myself, and that big idea hits, that perfect combination of events that tie everything together into a neat, perfect bundle conveying exactly everything I wanted. When a character speaks to me, through me, and I can see it all clear. When the next breath I take feel like I take it through his or her lungs, breathing in the air of his or her world, and for that moment I live that life, that truth.

Like the moment you're drunk and you're dancing and a random person dances into the ring of friends, and extends a hand and you realize it's for you, it's at you, it is happening in this moment. In that moment that person is the world, although you've never met before and wouldn't mind to never meet again, and the world is in your hand.

Like the moment at the end of a long day, a long chain of events you're not sure you like, one of those days when things have happened all by themselves and what you wanted went too easy and what you didn't want crept up and stabbed you in the back. One of those days when you don't know if it was good or bad, if in a week or a year you'll see it as the first day in a long chain of events that saved or damned you. When you feel the weight of the world and the shadow of fate looming over you. The moment when you're tired and worried and someone does or says something - just the right thing, and you realize that it isn't that important. That everything will be fine, that nothing is ever that important. That your world will go on, whether you're saved or damned, and that you know you'll never fall completely.

Like the moment I walk down the street and I notice some woman, and I don't know why, but I notice her, specifically, and her legs and the way she walks. My head fills and swells with wrath and envy and every color in the world grows brighter.

Or the moment when darkness falls and you feel empowered, like your eyes are glowing in the dark like the eyes of a demon.

The moment in someone else's presence, when you feel you know everything, and they know everything, and your everythings are in harmony like two images on translucent paper laid on top of each other to reveal the true workings of the universe.

Or the moment you walk past a mirror and realize you're having a good day.

Like the moment you realize you've screwed up bad, and everything is bound to fall on your head like an endlessly high bookshelf of crap, and you know you should be worried, but your heart says "fuck it! :D"

Perhaps every other moment in life is really there to build up to these moments, like a good dinner is so much more appreciated if you have to work yourself hungry first. But I try to live in these moments, not for them. After all, a moment only lasts for a moment's time.


Riklurt said...

Upon hearing this, the monk was enlightened.

Nallenon said...

Midnight philosophy, I tip my hat.

Anonymous said...

Don't let a single one of these moments slip away when you find them. Capture it, treasure it and live to be happy.

I think it came out pretty okey in the end. ;)

Anon approves.


Nallenon said...

Look, randompersonspam that actually fit, and felt personal. Isn't that neat?
Anon can do good things, this is mighty revelation.

Riklurt said...

Have you learned nothing? Anonymous can do anything.