Saturday, May 10, 2014

Like a Phoenix (Down)

For one reason or another I decided to read backwards a bit, and I met a person that I'd almost forgotten. Hello Old Me, I can't say I know who you were anymore, any more than a pine tree knows the pine cone it came from. I remember spots of it, and most notably, I remember the positive. I remember A Spirit World of Concrete and Glass, for example, from September 2010, I even remember where and how I felt as I crafted it, on the bike. There's also a clear pattern, that 2010 I wrote about the difficult things and how hard they felt, but the years that were truly trash and terrible, 2011-2012, I'm mostly writing about other things even as that's when I failed school and dropped off the social plane as my leg and back got worse and I drowned in the task of trying to come to terms with who I had become (decently packaged handicapped shit, as I thought). But that 11-12 girl I remember. I'm still her, I'm still fighting her battles although I've come a long way.

2010-me, you may be gone now, but I'm glad you left footprints behind for me to find and decipher. I'd like to know you, if for nothing else but to remember what I've survived. Because I survived, 2010-me. I may not have succeeded at everything, but we made it, we moved on to other problems, and we've come to terms with some of the ones you had.

It occurred to me, that with the knowledge of public posting as a filter to sort away the most useless stuff, blogging from time to time may be leaving finds for future me to dig up. Planting dinosaur bones.

So I'm casting a Phoenix Down on this blog, and I don't care if anyone reads it, this time I'm doing it 100% for my own sake! A public diary. The life of a Me. The Lifestream Chronicles.


ShadoWolf said...

Where's that f***ing "like" button??

I've missed you.

Yeonni said...

:) thank you