Tuesday, April 15, 2008

In the Head of Iceye 01

On selves...
Is the only solution to not being depressed to think shiny bright thoughts? Is the only escape from turning into Eyore to transform yourself into the princess in Enchanted? To erase a part of yourself to be able to survive? We do that. Some guy cut off his own arm with an swiss army knife to survive. Just the same, we can cut off parts of our mental selves. But just as every last cell within me screams of raging protests if I hold a blade close to my skin, regardless if it's sharpened, the mere thought of cutting off a part of myself... Is this bravery or folly?

On memories...
I just watched an episode of House where a man thought the woman he was in love with was engaged to his brother and the emotions were so strong he had heartattacks whenever she came near. He decided to let the doctors remove his memories - everything from birth to present - to get rid of the memory of her, and he refused to tell her the truth. It's tv, I know. Still. How? If there is a soul my soul would still be me if my memories were gone. If behavior is programmed in the DNA, I would still be me if my memories were gone. I believe in both these. And sometimes I think I should forget some things and get on with my life. But to forget, to lose control, to let go, is the most frightening thing I can think of.

On love...
Is love the feeling of being able to give your life for someone? Then I've been in love. Is love the feeling of being prepared to share the rest of your life with someone? Then I've been in love. I've been in love if love is to want to kill, maim and destroy whoever hurts the person. If love is to be jealous of all attention given to someone else. If love is to stop and be amazed at how beautiful someone is even though you've seen him/her a hundred times before. If love is to have pain shoot through your body at the thought of losing this person to anyone or anything. If love is selfless, comfortable, protective, possessive, admiring and painful - if love is the ability to project, deflect, deny and doubt - then I have been in love. I am in love. Am I not?
Love is not beginning, nor end. It is a part of the cycle like everything else. What matters most to me? What are my true intentions?

7 comments:

PhaZe said...

God damnit, somehow my comments won't stick anywhere, so I tried creating an account instead. Anyway what was I writing again.

I'm happy that I dont think into things like these as hard as you do. Because if I would then I would be driven insane I think.
Love the text though, so keep em coming :)

Iceye said...

glad to have you back, Phaze ^^

PhaZe said...

I have been here all along, just haven't had anything good to say :P

Iceye said...

haha, you're not alone. it's probably a good practice in confidence to have to trust in that people read withut ever really knowing if they do.

Rik said...

Meh. I need either to meet you or to get hold of a computer of my own. I have no time to respond to all these thoughts, and hardly the mental focus either, right now.

Remind me, please. I'm sure my opinions aren't very novel, but I'd love to hear you elaborate on a few of these ideas.

Rik said...

Incidentally I love your Copyright Comments. They should be given the Copyright Comments Award (All Rights Reversed).

Sara said...

I have to say that I agree with Phaze. I think there are lots of people that like us only read, but can't seem to come up with anything insightful enough to put in a comment. So keep writing and we will keep reading and enjoying ^_^