Friday, June 18, 2010

The A-list

I made a small insight and because I'm a bit bored at work I shall divulge it.

All things in the world are to me split into two categories; A and B.

Things in A are things I in some way give myself points for, or will go to lengths to accomplish. Things I must know, know how to do, understand, manage and feel confident with. I'd say about half the items in A are voluntarily put there, the rest I force on myself for different reasons. Every item ticked off on A will give me a point in the "me vs the world" scoreboard, every time someone pokes at the fact that I haven't ticked something off I hate them and me equally. It is also not a very long list, simply because I'm so hard on myself that if I put too much up there I'd kill myself.

Things in B are things I don't really care about, that won't give me points, and aren't sore spots. If someone tells me about it, I'll be glad to listen, but that's it. Say, politics. I can surely listen and be interested in politics, but I'm the first to admit I know little of it and care about as much.

I suppose there is a tiny category of C - things I actively avoid or loathe to speak of, but it is very very tiny.

And so the insight: Whatever my parents make into an issue immediately elbows itself a spot on the A-list, however trivial. Because if they can ask about it a second time, then I have gravely failed at life. I can be on my way to the fridge when one of them asks "Have you made lunch for tomorrow", and I literally feel a point falling off my scoreboard, down into my guts. Now ask me again why I hate when people say "oh it's so sunny why aren't we outside" :P

Idiotic self-imposed perfectionism and inability to handle critizism - check!

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