Saturday, June 5, 2010

Wroom

Fell on the bike, first time since I started biking again. It's when I start or stop that I risk tipping over to the left, and if I do, there's a loooong terrible moment where I know I'm going to fall over and can do absolutely nothing about it. I can fret and wave about, but all it accomplishes is to make me look even more stupid. That's why I'm afraid of biking. I do it anyway because of the time it saves, but I'm always afraid of having to stop at a red light, always heave a sigh of relief when I don't tip over. 

And unlike falling when standing up or something, there is absolutely no way to fall gracefully on a bike. Either you get the damned thing over you, or under you, or it gets stuck to your pants or your shoes, and it has you collapse very un-prettily in a pile of arms and legs and metal.

In this case I grabbed onto the basket of a nearby parked bike to try and stop the fall, which only, of course, made that bike fall on top of me too. Once I'd untangled myself, there's a woman standing a few feet away staring at me. "Are you hurt?" And I go "no no" and say some excuse about my leg being bad and pointing to the thingy I have attached to help with walking. Drunk students everywhere around me, so she probably thought I was drunk. That hurt my pride something incredible, for some reason. Not only did she watch me have one of my damned, hated, fearful, humiliating battles with an immobile bike sloooowly tipping over, she also probably though I was too drunk to handle the immobile bike. I felt like attacking her, just to be sure.

I didn't though. Sometimes that's the only difference between me and a serial killer, that I don't, but that's all that really matters. That, and the fact that someone who can't handle a fucking immobile bike probably does not make an amazing serial killer.

Please do appreciate the wry cynicism in my voice here. I'm trying to deal with the fact that because I sloooowly tipped over on an immobile (fucking) bike, I'm going to be extra terrified for a couple of days, or weeks, or months. Last time I quit for several years. God I was such a whimp.

10 comments:

Alex said...

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

七 転び八起き
(not sure if this is right, but its a japanese saying I really like, and it literally fit too well here)

Kristin said...

Right up until the day I stopped doing orienteering, at age 16, I had one huge problem with it. Water. I am not afraid of water. I love swimming and diving and jumping into it and all sorts of stuff. All very nice.

But when I'm running, or walking, in a forest and arrive at a small fucking stream without a bridge-like crossing I freeze. Ok, if it is really small I'd just jump over it. But if it is too wide I'd have to stand there for at least a minute to gather up enough courage to just jump as far as I could and then climb up on the other side. Even if I could see the bottom, which usually means it's sand or gravel and perfectly solid and at most 1 meter deep - I'd hesitate crossing it.

The worst kind of streams, however, are the ones that run through mires. The ground is very unstable on both sides, so you're not sure if you'll sink down a bit when you land on the other side. The stream is usually pitch black and you have no idea of how deep it is - just that the bottom won't be solid. Now, standing at the side you can easily tell whether it is safe to jump across it. You'd notice if the mire is too muddy or watery to carry your weight well enough to run walk through it without sinking more than knee-deep into it. But still I was terrified. Why? I can swim perfectly well in my orienteering clothes. I'd actually done that in a lake more than once. But that didn't matter. I was too damn scared. In the end I'd usually end up running along the stream until I found a more solid place to cross it.

Sorry for the excessively long comment.

Yeonni said...

No, thanks Kat :p I guess everyone has stupid small things that are scary, in an embarrassing way since they're stupid and small.

Riklurt said...

Yeah, I think everyone has those. My stupid phobia of snails come to mind.

Yes, I have a phobia for snails. They're probably the most harmless creatures on God's green earth, but they still freak me the fuck out.

Sara said...

I think it would be excessive for me to comment this post.... :P

Kristin said...

Uh... Yes.

Nallenon said...

I like how you wanted to randomly attack a lady, to make sure she understood how sober you were.

Yeonni said...

angry lashing out doesn't exactly apply logic :P

ShadoWolf said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ShadoWolf said...

ShadoWolf said...
This reminds me of the time when I stopped at an intersection with my motorbike, put down my foot without looking and realize too late that I'm too close to the edge of the asfalt and I've put my foot on the gravel perhaps an inch or so below. That's all what's needed for the bike to tilt too far to the right and though I know it's way too heavy for me to hold while astride I kling on to it with everything I've got while bike and me slooooooowly fall down into the ditch beside the road. I laugh while lying flat on my back upside down like with the bike at my feet, the lady in the red volvo behind me laugh as she drives past to get on her way while my uncle comes running to my rescue (he saw me tipping over in his rearview mirror on his own bike). Pitiful. So I'm hesistant to take my bike solo in case the wind tips us over while standing still, or we'll be stuck where we are 'til some nice big guy picks us up ;) At least a bicikle isn't heavy enough to crush you beneath it, or too heavy to lift once it's down. The falling part is inevitable so I try to see it as a funny stunt or slapstick ;) Murdering every witness stupid enough to watch my disgrace, like the lady in the volvo, is just too bothersome.