Monday, May 11, 2009

The felt knowledge

I want to know the world.

See, the only way to understand people is to know them, slowly, over time. Seeing them in different situations, learning when they lie so that you can get to the truth. Peeling off one layer at a time until you one day realize that in any given situation you can predict, no, you can feel what this person would do. And then the deed is done. You know someone.

Normal social situations are stressful because I have no whish, no desire whatsoever to reduce people to what they seem in such shallow come-togethers. In these situations they are merely part of the decor, obstacles that I interact with with the same enthusiasm as I interact with a toaster. Not until I know I will meet them often or have met them often, do I translate them into humans and begin breaking them down into what they really are.

I can't know everyone. I wish I could, I wish I had the time and energy to meet and know and break down and understand every single human; it is fascinating, and an exhilirating pleasure to realize that I have reached the goal with even just one. And also always a disappointment because the objects of my fascination never seem to understand the greatness of it. But it is great. And it's impossible. So I pick them carefully, like choosing the right book from the library, and some are chosen for me. And the rest I have to leave as decor, as toasters.

Such a waste of humanity and me.

6 comments:

Kristin said...

I would not have fitted in your room when you wrote that - because of the size of your ego :p

Iceye said...

I think I'd like you to explain what you mean. Because I can only guess why you say that, and guessing isn't good enough. Is it because I assume I can ever know someone? Or because I wish I could know everyone? Knowing someone is like knowing dance moves or language; you know pieces but once you "get it" you can "feel the flow". When I say I know someone, and can feel what they would do, I don't assume I know every dance move in the world or every word there is, but I can feel the flow.

Kristin said...

No, actually I was referring to the "waste of humanity and me" - especially the me part :p

Iceye said...

Uh, well, it is a waste of humanity and me. It's not as if I'm putting myself at the same level of importance as humanity itself :P I mean, I put me last not only because of the grammatical rules that apply. it just happens to be the two things involved; me and all other people.

Kristin said...

Jag hälsade på min mormor igår och vi pratade om idrottare som "är nöjda med sina lopp" när de kommer sådär runt 30:e på världscupen. Vi konstaterade att man kan inte bli bäst i världen om man inte tror att man faktiskt ÄR bäst. Det är rätt intressant att individuella idrottare är i det närmaste dyrkade i Sverige, med tanke på att man måste vara en sådan egoist för att lyckas med sådant. Det går verkligen stick i stäv med jantelagen...

Iceye said...

Tror inte folk fattar vad som krävs, kanske? Svenskar tror ju i alla fall på lönen av att arbeta hårt. Många inser kanske inte hur personligheten som krävs för att faktiskt arbeta så hårt är? Eller så gör vi som många andra samhällen och dyrkar det som egentligen är förbjudet när det hamnar i såna sammanhang :P