Late night, friends just left after a friend-intense day. Been feeling tired and uninspired and uninspiring this week. It's been the kind of week when one goes around with the intense feeling of that something should somehow be different, and a vague idea of that that something is oneself. Maybe it's chemical imbalance, hormones, weather, maybe my star is in perfect alignment with the moon or my totem animal has had an accident in bed.
Yet I don't want to sleep. Bad times like these I'm always most reluctant to go to bed, and I don't sleep as well when I do. Maybe, like a parent having lost his child in the forest, I cannot go to rest before I find that something that is missing. I wonder if not getting immersed in something, forgetting everything and being able to stop staying on my toes, might give me back the strenght I need to search properly. But that gets harder with every year, month and day I gain. Like a clock ticking down towards a time when there will be no sleep. Or maybe eternal sleep.
I hear soft music coming from somewhere far away, and my first thought is that it's the chanting of an Imam.
3 months ago