colorful captions but no dialogue

Currently,
it is 7.30 in the morning. Everyone is asleep or on their way to work, and even if they weren't, I wouldn't want to talk to them. I don't want to talk to anyone at all.
It's just that I'm lonely. And it doesn't happen very often, so
note this day down,
the self-proclaimed self-sufficient me is feeling lonely. Just now. Note the moment down, because it wasn't the day. Days are long and much can happen. I think I'd just like to hang out silently with someone I'm comfortable with
- or someone beautiful, that works too -
wordless connection, wordless connection. Colorful captions but no dialogue.
Don't be so dramatic. Making plans for how to never be lonely again. Making arguments for why it's stupid to feel lonely. Complaining at myself for doing things - reading stories, watching movies - that make me miss things I didn't miss. Doing it willingly, knowingly. Breathing so that I can drown.
Making dramatic intrigue on my own. Excellent TV.
Just let it be. Just sit here and feel this way. Let the insides hurt for a bit. Like a muscle straining, like a sinew stretching. Soon we will be asleep, me, and me, and me, and the two-faced angel, if it ever sleeps.
But not yet. Like savoring a rare delicacy,
let's sit here and feel lonely for just a bit longer.
Happy feelings should be gulped down like waves in the ocean. Sad feelings should be sipped like fine wine. Slowly pour it over you like warm wax, then let it cool against your skin - and shake it off. The flakes are easier to clean up than the fluid anyway.

The Merciless

 ---

I could pretend to be blind,
and I would never really be it. Clasp
iron around my head, lock
the collar and throw away the key -
I could pretend to be blind,
but I would never really be it.

I could build a tower on a base of sand,
drive the pillars into the deepest rock, set
carefully steel against steel, swear
this is my home and here will I die -
I could build a tower on a base of sand,
and it might last the trials.

I could swear unto one love,
speak the words and pray to gods, break
the heart of any other, slip
the ring around their finger -
I could swear unto one love,
and it might last the trials.

I could cry when all comes tumbling down.

Bend the world around your mind, like
a drop bends a ray of light, make
truth out of grains of sand, and
here is your life -

but you are never really blind.

---

A Way Through Heaven (C7)

I really got to feel how difficult it is to write someone to be good without being pretentious or... just silly cliché now, and I am pretty sure I failed. But. I still like how the chapter turned out, and I have plenty of ideas for chapter 9 now. Only have to get through chapter 8.

And this chapter is actually named "A Way Through Heaven", even if the file says something else -_- I'm too lazy to change it now, since I only post this temporarily, and when I've written chapter 8-9 I'll group them up and post them more seriously.

So here: Chapter 7. And it's probably not like you think it is. =P

Good Deeds

Shemhazai finally cooperates, I have drawn a nice picture of Akibeel, and I successfully defeated the devils of social interaction and went home instead of going on a stupid Halloween party and had the best time eating candy, writing, and watching tv with my mom and my cats. See? Forget being popular, being happy is so much better.

And no, none of you know who Shemhazai and Akibeel are, but you will. Akibeel is such a horrible name, by the way, but I'm still coming to like it now just because of what I'm doing with it. (Well, a certain someone might have heard the names since I have borrowed them and he seems to know everything about absurd and munchy details =P)

And Sara, thank you so much. The little talk we had on the phone about angels and what a good deed is was so simple, but it helped enormously, it finally molded the picture in my head of the angels into something that I can work with. Without it, I would have sat uninspired and frustrated for another week, I'm absolutely certain.

Nyum nyum...

So... if celebrating Father's Day doesn't ruin my plans, I should have the next chapter finished tomorrow. Hehe... I'm starting to set up deadlines for myself... which is scary.

I think I just figured it out. Cloud, I mean. To make it make sense to those of you who wouldn't if I told it as it is (= the rest of the world) I'll make a nice, religiously incorrect analog. Cloud is simply the skin that my person angel took on to be able to reach me, since I would never have paid him attention if he'd said he's an angel.

When I told him I'd figured him out, he just smiled a little.