What's worth ending a friendship over?
My instinctive answer to that is: you can't. If someone was ever really your friend, the two of you will always be. Something might happen that make you not speak to each other for five years, or he or she might turn into someone you don't really like anymore, but if your friendship was at any point true, friendship will always remain there in the bottom. Ten years later when you need something, that friendship will be like a flat +5 bonus no matter what happened in between - even if your friend murdered your parents or somesuch.
But is that true? Or are friends, like any other kind of relationship or alliance, something that comes and goes like the tide as you and the people around you grow and change? Like, today a blue shirt, tomorrow a red? And you never really know anyone, so can you ever really have a true friendship?
And so if friendships can end, then what is worth ending them for? Love? Principle? Self-preservation? Faith? Or is it that you can end friendships - but there is nothing worth that price?
Maybe the question I ought to answer rather is this one: What makes a friendship worth keeping?
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Monday, October 17, 2011
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
When I Should Sleep
What would it sensibly take for me to censor myself? Is it right? Should I let things censor me? Is it out of concern for people, or for myself? Is it about whether I value my creative freedom higher than people's feelings?
I don't mean writing gossip, or stuff actually about people. I mean fiction, poems, word-art. I mean as a writer. Should I give in to a censor, be it out of respect for a person, or fear of consequences? Do I, as an artist, put creative freedom above individual people's feelings towards me or others? Yes. Yes I do. But the risk of hurting someone tears up conflict in me, be it because they're interpreting strangely, or because they're stupid as dead fish. What about in the cases where they'd be justified to be hurt? Where what I write is clearly provoking, intentionally or otherwise?
What I mean is; please tell me it's silly to censor myself for this. That's what I want to hear. I want to be able to turn it off. This compassion hindering my excursions into a higher world, and my ability to share it.
I don't mean writing gossip, or stuff actually about people. I mean fiction, poems, word-art. I mean as a writer. Should I give in to a censor, be it out of respect for a person, or fear of consequences? Do I, as an artist, put creative freedom above individual people's feelings towards me or others? Yes. Yes I do. But the risk of hurting someone tears up conflict in me, be it because they're interpreting strangely, or because they're stupid as dead fish. What about in the cases where they'd be justified to be hurt? Where what I write is clearly provoking, intentionally or otherwise?
What I mean is; please tell me it's silly to censor myself for this. That's what I want to hear. I want to be able to turn it off. This compassion hindering my excursions into a higher world, and my ability to share it.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Funeral Day
There was a funeral today for someone I somewhat knew. And it's odd, because there's a lot of people I know better than him, but there's also many among them that I wouldn't care this much about on the day of their funeral.
If attention and honors and all that on a funeral day really do earn you kudos in God's big book, then he should have lots. So I'm writing this because while you read it, you did think about him although you don't know who he is, and maybe that earned him at least a little extra kudos.
Peaceful Return to the Lifestream, old man.
If attention and honors and all that on a funeral day really do earn you kudos in God's big book, then he should have lots. So I'm writing this because while you read it, you did think about him although you don't know who he is, and maybe that earned him at least a little extra kudos.
Peaceful Return to the Lifestream, old man.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The Single Mind
Late night, friends just left after a friend-intense day. Been feeling tired and uninspired and uninspiring this week. It's been the kind of week when one goes around with the intense feeling of that something should somehow be different, and a vague idea of that that something is oneself. Maybe it's chemical imbalance, hormones, weather, maybe my star is in perfect alignment with the moon or my totem animal has had an accident in bed.
Yet I don't want to sleep. Bad times like these I'm always most reluctant to go to bed, and I don't sleep as well when I do. Maybe, like a parent having lost his child in the forest, I cannot go to rest before I find that something that is missing. I wonder if not getting immersed in something, forgetting everything and being able to stop staying on my toes, might give me back the strenght I need to search properly. But that gets harder with every year, month and day I gain. Like a clock ticking down towards a time when there will be no sleep. Or maybe eternal sleep.
I hear soft music coming from somewhere far away, and my first thought is that it's the chanting of an Imam.
Yet I don't want to sleep. Bad times like these I'm always most reluctant to go to bed, and I don't sleep as well when I do. Maybe, like a parent having lost his child in the forest, I cannot go to rest before I find that something that is missing. I wonder if not getting immersed in something, forgetting everything and being able to stop staying on my toes, might give me back the strenght I need to search properly. But that gets harder with every year, month and day I gain. Like a clock ticking down towards a time when there will be no sleep. Or maybe eternal sleep.
I hear soft music coming from somewhere far away, and my first thought is that it's the chanting of an Imam.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
More Guessing
More fun with sketches. I call it "village people" :3Only two days left and after that I won't be able to blog about anything else... but I can't think of anything to say anyway XD My life isn't very interesting right now, since all I do is take care of the house when everyone's off to school and work, do Math C and play Wow. Really, honestly, coupled with some Sims 2 and Skyping, that's it.
Oh, except sketching like this, ofc.
Fave food of the week: schnitzel + noodles + soy
Friday, November 21, 2008
Guess who
Drew this for a different purpose, but won't be using that... though I liked how this part turned out. The pose and background doesn't make much sense anymore since pretty much everything else about the drawing went wrong. Well, seeing as this part was ok and I won't try again, I thought I might as well post it.I'm also sketching along the Cristmas Calendar drawings... I've already changed style about three times and scrapped about 9 sketches... So I've decided now that I'll use whatever style I feel like at the moment with the Calendar, so don't expect a coherent style or story as far as the drawings go. Black and white, colored, shaded, manga, portraits, chibi... I'll mix and match a bit. FFS = For Fun's Sake!! ^^
This blog is turning completely schitzophrenic... :D
Monday, September 1, 2008
An Answer
I feel that my answer on Nightflyer's comment on the previous post became too long to be a comment. I imagined that someone would think what she thought about what I wrote, but decided to post it as it was to let whatever come come. Because when you ask the question, you'll get your answer. Because this is what I wanted to say:
I understand what you want to say, and I agree, mostly. But that everyone can make their own happiness doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make it easier on everyone. It doesn't mean we should ignore shit people throw at us, "turn the other cheek". Even if fact is that life deals you cards under the table, you don't just sit down and take it. You stand up and shout. Because whether or not it helps you, whether or not it helps the ones who come after you, it makes you feel better. It gives you the special word for "pride" or "honor", self-respect, that Asia uses, that we here in Sweden have replaced with "lagom".
That I am adopted is an issue in itself. One I will, and am, dealing with. What's done is done. The question whether international adoption should or should not be performed, however, is a completely different issue and on a different level.
What I dealt with the first post was basically my own feelings and the beginning of me connecting to where I am from; because it is true that where I am from does have significance in the choice of where I will go tomorrow. I am also very aware of that I am the one who have cut myself off from my heritage.
The previous post, however, is aimed more at the later issue, an attempt to bring the question into the light. Adoption has always been seen as a good thing, right? I question that. I propose that it might even be bad, and I'm not the only one. I do that counting all information I know at this point, logically, and that my own feelings agree is only another fact that supports this theory. I am a part of my own test-group. Not scientifically viable, but in real life a rather commonly practiced form. I want people to think about whether what Korea practices is adoption or a dandied form of selling humans.
Listening to someone feeling sorry for themselves is quite annoying. I know I do my own bit of whining, but for your information quite a lot of it is venting and/or the author side of me going haywire because strong emotion is the best food for words and letters. I'd say my flaw is to blame stupidity and systems created by stuidity for all my problems instead of dealing with myself, but I do not feel sorry for myself. I have chosen my path; I could have made it easier, but I will not. Neither would I change the fact of my adoption if I could. I never said I'd rather have stayed where I was; I have no idea how life would have been or who I would have been; quite frankly I have never thought about it. Can't change the past. No point in thinking about whether I would want to.
I know you know me better than most. Do you think I would take an opinion because "everyone says so"?
I understand what you want to say, and I agree, mostly. But that everyone can make their own happiness doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make it easier on everyone. It doesn't mean we should ignore shit people throw at us, "turn the other cheek". Even if fact is that life deals you cards under the table, you don't just sit down and take it. You stand up and shout. Because whether or not it helps you, whether or not it helps the ones who come after you, it makes you feel better. It gives you the special word for "pride" or "honor", self-respect, that Asia uses, that we here in Sweden have replaced with "lagom".
That I am adopted is an issue in itself. One I will, and am, dealing with. What's done is done. The question whether international adoption should or should not be performed, however, is a completely different issue and on a different level.
What I dealt with the first post was basically my own feelings and the beginning of me connecting to where I am from; because it is true that where I am from does have significance in the choice of where I will go tomorrow. I am also very aware of that I am the one who have cut myself off from my heritage.
The previous post, however, is aimed more at the later issue, an attempt to bring the question into the light. Adoption has always been seen as a good thing, right? I question that. I propose that it might even be bad, and I'm not the only one. I do that counting all information I know at this point, logically, and that my own feelings agree is only another fact that supports this theory. I am a part of my own test-group. Not scientifically viable, but in real life a rather commonly practiced form. I want people to think about whether what Korea practices is adoption or a dandied form of selling humans.
Listening to someone feeling sorry for themselves is quite annoying. I know I do my own bit of whining, but for your information quite a lot of it is venting and/or the author side of me going haywire because strong emotion is the best food for words and letters. I'd say my flaw is to blame stupidity and systems created by stuidity for all my problems instead of dealing with myself, but I do not feel sorry for myself. I have chosen my path; I could have made it easier, but I will not. Neither would I change the fact of my adoption if I could. I never said I'd rather have stayed where I was; I have no idea how life would have been or who I would have been; quite frankly I have never thought about it. Can't change the past. No point in thinking about whether I would want to.
I know you know me better than most. Do you think I would take an opinion because "everyone says so"?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
To the tunes of my inner music
Silence in the Nighttime
Let's stay up,
love
Until dawn creeps over your face
Let's stay up,
love
Til I can't seem to think straight
I don't have much to offer you, but I
won't pretend
Let's stay up,
love...
Let's stay up,
love
Til the cold forces us together
Let's stay up,
love
Pretend night will last forever
I won't ask much of you, but I
like to pretend
Let's stay up,
love
Time and time again.
And what the shadows reveal of your face,
my friend
Is more than either of us could take.
All the possibilities of heartbreak and pain,
my friend
Is more than enough for me to
pretend.
Let's stay up,
friend
Until dawn creeps over your face
Let's stay up,
friend,
Til I can't seem to think straight
I 've so much to offer you, but I
will pretend
So let's stay up,
friend
Again and again.
Let's stay up,
love
Until dawn creeps over your face
Let's stay up,
love
Til I can't seem to think straight
I don't have much to offer you, but I
won't pretend
Let's stay up,
love...
Let's stay up,
love
Til the cold forces us together
Let's stay up,
love
Pretend night will last forever
I won't ask much of you, but I
like to pretend
Let's stay up,
love
Time and time again.
And what the shadows reveal of your face,
my friend
Is more than either of us could take.
All the possibilities of heartbreak and pain,
my friend
Is more than enough for me to
pretend.
Let's stay up,
friend
Until dawn creeps over your face
Let's stay up,
friend,
Til I can't seem to think straight
I 've so much to offer you, but I
will pretend
So let's stay up,
friend
Again and again.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
MRI, Bus, Rik's, Creativity, Kristin and Uppsala.
I went to K-stad this Thursday. (More MRI, I love them. I mean, radioactive stuff in my bloodstream, being basically cargo-lifted into an enormous machine with one tiny entry and lie there in that tight white tunnel with one blue line to stare at and absolutely forbidden to make the smallest move, barely allowed to breathe for half an hour, while the monstermachine thunders and clonks like a spaceship repair around you. No, really. You think I'm sarcastic, but I'm not.) I sat on the bus and a hundred thoughts passed through my head at amazing speed. Buses are the most perfect place to think, thoughts just fly away like the passing forest, nothing else to distract but enough stimuli to make your head start off.
I thought a lot about the wonderful and rewarding conversations I, or we rather, had while at Rik's. I make myself wonder why I ever thought the world would be a better place without people. The correct solution is: the world would be a much better place with the right people. I know I can't express myself very well in speech, and maybe not well enough for some of you in written word either, but talking like we did is really giving me so much. Which is why, I guess, I always walk around on clouds for a day or so and then crash with all the right gravitational values doing a fair d20+10 bashing and have to crawl up from my body-shaped pit with claws and teeth. Why does the word "leave" have to exist? I think I'm going to start seeing it as "breaks" instead, between visiting.
Anyway, I'm out of the pit now, and today for the first time in months I really feel like writing. We'll see if anything actually comes out of it, but either way, it's a big confidence boost that I even had the urge. Lately creativity has been limited to school and SketchChallenge. So sad. Okay, I wrote all this in one streak as it came to mind, so let me go back and divide it into paragraphs so it's actually readable =P
There. ^^ Oh, and we got some extra time (I got, not you Phaze) for the Antologi. So if you haven't already, do like Kristin and put down a vote on the previous post for which poems you think should make it. I still have the final word, and once there I'll probably choose completely different than what you ask, but I still want to know. (I'm actually not really sure whether I'm joking, lying or being serious right now.)
Oh, btw, I'm going to Uppsala from the 5th to maybe 7th or 8th to the great big nice friendly not at all striking hospital. Probably. Unless they really are striking a strike. Mom will be with me and I dunno how it's gonna be and afterwards I'll be exhausted, so even if I should, I probably won't have the energy to visit you guys, unless they won't have anything for me to do any of the afternoons, because then I might be able to dump mom and pop by to show off my awesome and cool hospital identification bracelet. Anyway, we can probably talk about this is you guys have time and feel like it. Hey, you might even be able to pop by the hospital and see the nice and surprisingly white room! =P Yeah...
Allrighty-o. C'ya.
I thought a lot about the wonderful and rewarding conversations I, or we rather, had while at Rik's. I make myself wonder why I ever thought the world would be a better place without people. The correct solution is: the world would be a much better place with the right people. I know I can't express myself very well in speech, and maybe not well enough for some of you in written word either, but talking like we did is really giving me so much. Which is why, I guess, I always walk around on clouds for a day or so and then crash with all the right gravitational values doing a fair d20+10 bashing and have to crawl up from my body-shaped pit with claws and teeth. Why does the word "leave" have to exist? I think I'm going to start seeing it as "breaks" instead, between visiting.
Anyway, I'm out of the pit now, and today for the first time in months I really feel like writing. We'll see if anything actually comes out of it, but either way, it's a big confidence boost that I even had the urge. Lately creativity has been limited to school and SketchChallenge. So sad. Okay, I wrote all this in one streak as it came to mind, so let me go back and divide it into paragraphs so it's actually readable =P
There. ^^ Oh, and we got some extra time (I got, not you Phaze) for the Antologi. So if you haven't already, do like Kristin and put down a vote on the previous post for which poems you think should make it. I still have the final word, and once there I'll probably choose completely different than what you ask, but I still want to know. (I'm actually not really sure whether I'm joking, lying or being serious right now.)
Oh, btw, I'm going to Uppsala from the 5th to maybe 7th or 8th to the great big nice friendly not at all striking hospital. Probably. Unless they really are striking a strike. Mom will be with me and I dunno how it's gonna be and afterwards I'll be exhausted, so even if I should, I probably won't have the energy to visit you guys, unless they won't have anything for me to do any of the afternoons, because then I might be able to dump mom and pop by to show off my awesome and cool hospital identification bracelet. Anyway, we can probably talk about this is you guys have time and feel like it. Hey, you might even be able to pop by the hospital and see the nice and surprisingly white room! =P Yeah...
Allrighty-o. C'ya.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Names
I love poking around with names. Names I choose in my stories are always chosen for a reason; either that the sound of it fits the character, or the meaning, or both. I don't really like parents naming their children and not knowing or caring what it means; there is power in names, at least my inner witch tells me so.
Here're some names I found that I'd scribbled here and there, for many different reasons:
Winona - Eldest daughter
Sahar - Moon
Samson - Sun
Aleda - Small and winged
Kanja - Waterborn
Logan - Little hollow
Aya - Morning light
Joash - Fire of god
Aurora - Dawn
Kevin - Handsome
Cassius - Empty
Jace - Beautiful
Rufus - Red hair
Ariel - Lion of God
Amaranth - Immortal
And, irresistably, the names of friends. Tell me if I forgot someone! Alphabetically:
Anna - Grace; Favor
Alexander - Defender of men (I'll assume that is "men" as in "humans")
Anton - Worthy of praise (though reliable sources claim the meaning of the name is unknown)
Björn - (for non-Swedish speaking or complete idiots:) Bear
Danica - Morning star
Daniel - God is my judge
David - Beloved
Eva - To breathe/To live
Gisela - Hostage, pledge (why would anyone name their daughter "hostage"?)
Isabelle - My god is an oath (???)
Joakim - Established by god
Joel - Yahweh is god (which pretty much means "god is god"... yeah... o_O)
Kennet - Born of fire
Kristin - Follower of Christ/Christbearer
Linda - (unsure, varies from Beautiful to Dragon... -_-')
Love (form of Ludwig) - Famous warrior
Madelen - From Magdala (Magdala being a city, its name meaning "Tower")
Rikard - Power(ful)
Sara - Lady/Princess
Sofia - Wisdom
Therese - Harvest(er)
Viktor - (wanna guess, anyone? ^_-)
For those who have read "About Love", let me illustrate why I chose the names:
Asha - Hope (in Indian. In japanese, it means Born in the Morning)
Adrian - Dark, Rich
Stephanos - Crown
Tempest - Stormy
Terrance - because the meaning is unknown
Lancelot - Servant
Daniel - God is my judge (as mentioned above)
Neander - New man
Funny fact: In old Korean costums it says you should name your child something ugly, like "little pig", so that the demons won't get jealous and hurt her/him. This has no relation to my own name, I assure you, since my parents were reasonably modern.
To divert you from this, let me tell those who don't know that my screenname, Iceye, is the clever combination of "ice" and "eye" and thus you may sense the meaning, as well as the correct pronounciation. In game, though, I tend to go under Breakable, or LucidFortes. The latter of which is an anagram, indeed, of our lately much too little mentioned handsome blonde.
Here're some names I found that I'd scribbled here and there, for many different reasons:
Winona - Eldest daughter
Sahar - Moon
Samson - Sun
Aleda - Small and winged
Kanja - Waterborn
Logan - Little hollow
Aya - Morning light
Joash - Fire of god
Aurora - Dawn
Kevin - Handsome
Cassius - Empty
Jace - Beautiful
Rufus - Red hair
Ariel - Lion of God
Amaranth - Immortal
And, irresistably, the names of friends. Tell me if I forgot someone! Alphabetically:
Anna - Grace; Favor
Alexander - Defender of men (I'll assume that is "men" as in "humans")
Anton - Worthy of praise (though reliable sources claim the meaning of the name is unknown)
Björn - (for non-Swedish speaking or complete idiots:) Bear
Danica - Morning star
Daniel - God is my judge
David - Beloved
Eva - To breathe/To live
Gisela - Hostage, pledge (why would anyone name their daughter "hostage"?)
Isabelle - My god is an oath (???)
Joakim - Established by god
Joel - Yahweh is god (which pretty much means "god is god"... yeah... o_O)
Kennet - Born of fire
Kristin - Follower of Christ/Christbearer
Linda - (unsure, varies from Beautiful to Dragon... -_-')
Love (form of Ludwig) - Famous warrior
Madelen - From Magdala (Magdala being a city, its name meaning "Tower")
Rikard - Power(ful)
Sara - Lady/Princess
Sofia - Wisdom
Therese - Harvest(er)
Viktor - (wanna guess, anyone? ^_-)
For those who have read "About Love", let me illustrate why I chose the names:
Asha - Hope (in Indian. In japanese, it means Born in the Morning)
Adrian - Dark, Rich
Stephanos - Crown
Tempest - Stormy
Terrance - because the meaning is unknown
Lancelot - Servant
Daniel - God is my judge (as mentioned above)
Neander - New man
Funny fact: In old Korean costums it says you should name your child something ugly, like "little pig", so that the demons won't get jealous and hurt her/him. This has no relation to my own name, I assure you, since my parents were reasonably modern.
To divert you from this, let me tell those who don't know that my screenname, Iceye, is the clever combination of "ice" and "eye" and thus you may sense the meaning, as well as the correct pronounciation. In game, though, I tend to go under Breakable, or LucidFortes. The latter of which is an anagram, indeed, of our lately much too little mentioned handsome blonde.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Points and wild horses
Just came back from Uppsala. Great weekend. My mood curve went up 100 points, then dropped 150 when the time came to leave. When I'm around these people, I'm in this bubble and I don't need anyone else. That's why I don't want to move there, because I think it's healthy to meet other people too, and it's scary to be so caught up. =P Then I thought, what the hell, you don't need anyone's acknowledgment to feel good, girl! Not even these guys, no matter how great they are. I didn't think I'd be so easily manipulated, but my mood curve took another flash-jump up 65 points. So now I'm pretty much back to normal. Especially since I've actually done my homework.
I don't know why I keep coming back to what feels like the same subject, but - another analogy since they're my thing: my mind is a horse, and I haven't tamed and trained it properly, but it's so beautiful in the wild that I'm reluctant to do so even if that would increase the effectiveness. Make sense?
I think reading The Game is helping my confidence. Weird. But appreciated.
I don't know why I keep coming back to what feels like the same subject, but - another analogy since they're my thing: my mind is a horse, and I haven't tamed and trained it properly, but it's so beautiful in the wild that I'm reluctant to do so even if that would increase the effectiveness. Make sense?
I think reading The Game is helping my confidence. Weird. But appreciated.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Please go over to Rik's blog. This must be why I have friends. So that my insanity doesn't show too much, but is still allowed freedom and happiness. It may signale my weirdness that I am suddenly ever so much more proud of that we are friends. And since our "gang" lacks in "gay" (or does bisexual count as gay?) and needs to be statistically and politically correct, please apply for membership before the end of April, you get the first year's member's fee for free!
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