The Value of Communication

On the note that the moment I step inside the doors of my childhood home, I become the witness of the always ongoing, pointless battles between my brother and my parents, that seem to stem from both side's complete inability to understand and respect each other, and grows ridiculously worse at their other complete inability; to communicate with one another in a sensible manner. I would blame this mostly on my father and brother, which makes sad connotations to gender, but I know that my own literacy is only a flaky illusion; when it comes to serious and heartfelt matters, I become just as stumped for words as my father.

Can I estimate how much people actually say what they're thinking, on a grand scale average? Not much. How many times of these would they even be able to put words on what they're actually thinking? Half maybe? Meaning a lot of times, people wouldn't be able to say what they're thinking because they don't know how. Why?

Communication is the solution of all things. Not just exchanging words, because that in itself is pointless and often more harmful to the cause than helpful. But exchanging ideas, thoughts and emotions, through all means of communication from a slight change in a small muscle above your eye to yelling at the top of your lungs. Those we communicate best with; those that understand us best, become the people we like to surround ourselves with. This leads me to another thought:

Once you have all the facts, you can make a solution. Communicating means providing everyone with all the facts so that they together can work out a solution. Making peace with someone won't work until he admits why he's mad at you, making love to someone won't work until you've show who you are.

I won't butt in too much in the conflict here at home. A mediator might possibly have helped them, but I'm not a mediator, I'm a daughter and a sister. It's not as bad as it might sound, I will add, but I'm endlessly frustrated by the pointlessness in their endless fighting about every single thing. I hate conflicts because they're like that moment when you step into the water the first time a warm summer; it's too cold but it will get better. Some people just get stuck in that first moment, and that makes me sad.

Get a grip!

Why can't we all get along? The conflicts of the Middle-East, the hatred in certain religious groups, bullying and gang wars, it seems far away from most of us. We look at these people who kill for what we deem as nothing. Then remember; there must be someone in your life that you don't like. Be it a work partner, a relative, a neighbor, maybe the friend of a friend, or the wife of an uncle. Think of that person. Think of all the things that person has done to you that you deem unjust and mean, all those little things that really are nothing, but amount to Mars's enormous 27 km. Most often it's about respect; the problem with that is that there are no physical proof, most people will say; what do you have against her/him really, and you'll be forced to say "I don't know" or maybe "he acts like a three year old" or "she's just doing that to hurt me" and everyone around will be forced to choose side blindly.

Now imagine spending your entire life side by side with that person, and tell me, why can't we all get along?

Is the only solution to stay away from that person? To separate yourself from him/her? What if you have friends in common? Will they have to choose? Will you have to leave people you love behind, to be able to... what? Live in peace? Preserve your self-respect?

Now listen closely; I don't think that's true. Throughout conflicts in my life, people have always hit their limits when it comes to some things and some people. And they will, ultimately, say it's someone else's fault. Sometimes it is. Regardless, I have never never had to leave anyone for anyone else's sake. I have never had such problems with people. The biggest problem I have with people seem to be either that they don't like me, or that my friends can't get along with each other. I can see the psychological reasons behind actions, I can read people like open books. But just because I know it doesn't mean I understand. Communication is the best tool, but when used the wrong way it may do more damage than help. I still think it's better to talk about something when you find it a problem, to a limit where nothing more can be done. And be honest! There's no point in talking if you're going to lie in the end. I'm not saying you can't wrap it up in silk, that's often better than just running people over. But also, don't forget to listen. Communication means the words go both ways!

So listen, friends and foes:

Why can't we all just get along?