What do you think I think of you?

Was walking back from the store with a Coke (I'm still keeping to my three-day rule, it's even been five days since I bought the last one) when I thought, what do people think when they see me? I mean, just as a curious thought, how do they preceive me? Because I felt awesome, walking in half-dark with my fake leather jacket, perfect hair, Coke in one hand and the other in my pocket.

I mean, if they think at all, what do they think? This is hard. Thinking like other people is hard. As a writer of course I can fabulate, but privately I have no idea. Cripple? Because it's really obvious I limp, especially when I'm carrying something in my hand like that. I don't think I dress agressively enough for anyone to think dyke. And I think they can see I'm a girl at first glance, if nothing else they will assume I am from size. Corporate bitch because I'm carrying a Coke? Fashion disaster because I don't dress like the 60% of this town that wear black or the 90% that wear cloth coats (yes they overlap, a lot). Ah, and also foreigner, or more probably, Asian? Because in Sweden, people tend to be divided in those two categories for some reason. Or maybe that's just me.

"What I think isn't as fun to analyze as what you think I think of you."

Also an observation related to my store visit; the trend of my head-turners seems to navigate towards broad-shouldered guys, short according to scandinavian standards, probably crew-cut, who looks very serious but are quick to laugh. Those of you who have seen my father, shut up. I know. I can't fight every stereotype.

I'm a mess-y miss-y

Hi. As another pointless, interesting post, and as a continuation on the subject of hairy men, I will mention the conflict between ideals and selves.

We all have some sort of ideal in our heads, right? This is how I'd want to be-ideals. Or this is perfect-ideals. We're quite aware of which parts are possible to achieve and which are not and to which lenghts we're ready to go to get it (like, would you do plastic surgery or agree to be brainwashed?) and those are personal too. I'm thinking something along the lines of: you can think a piece of clothing looks really good and is really beautiful but you'd never wear it yourself. (I'm writing "you" when in fact I mean "I" but you know that already.) You can admire a trait in someone else but not want it for yourself. I'm talking a lot about appearance here but that's because that's how this came to mind for me.

So it's about striking a balance, isn't it? I want to say the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself but I'd be lying. You also have to like the person other people see when they look at you because that is also you. Identity isn't just yours, it belongs to everyone. So.

As for me, I'm often surprised at how well people can understand me, sometimes, because most of the time it feels like I'm running around doing random stuff, wearing random stuff, thinking it's smart because it shows people who I am but I fail. I guess that means I don't fail. But then I'm pissed because I'm so predictable.
It's a mess, isn't it. ^^

Lumberjacks

I've heard a lot about guys and hairy legs lately. It appears this may be used to prove that men are as oppressed by gender stereotypes as women: those I've spoken to here are torn between hairy legs being a) less attractive, yet b) more manly. To the extent of some guy shaving his legs and being called gay by random people out on town. I thought being manly was about being attractive, but then again, the image of Canadian lumberjacks appear in my mind to remind me that is not so. I seem to remember having friends from all three categories; shaving, not shaving, and having nervous breakdown over wheather to shave. I guess that goes for both genders too. And then comes the complicated question; if you do shave, where do you stop? Can you shave legs but not arms? Back of the hand? Neck? Torso? Does the tiny innocent strands below your bellybutton prove an offence to humankind? Oh the problems the modern day human faces!