Creative breakdown

Hehe, first I pick on you guys for not blogging, then I sigh because I suddenly have to read lotz.

My writing is behaving strangely. (In case anyone wondered what happened to Kirya.) For one, I am nullifying the latest Chapter, The Way Through Heaven, because... well, I had plans, and I have new plans, and all in all no plans I ever make add up correctly, and I just think half of the chapter is the victim of inconsequential and very bad writing, especially the ending.

The better, more professional form my writing gets, the more crap I write. Or rather; the better I know I can do, the harder I judge what I do until the smallest story turn into a novel project on life and death. And Kirya has hit a wall because Shemhazai is important, and I have to make him important without fucking up Kirya's importance, and I seem to have lost all contact with Obon's personality, and I'm just too fucking hard on myself.

And I'm writing this because I just copied the Kirya-file from my hard-drive to my memorystick and forgot that it was the file on the stick that was the latest version so I have just lost the remake of the latest chapter as well as two pages of the next. Shoot me. No seriously. Either shoot me or get me a boyfriend (perferrably doubling as muse), because anything in-between and I'll go raving mad.

It will take me days to recover from this (I know this from experience with lost texts). And I don't have days. Christmas break is soon over! Dammit.