Sunday, December 9, 2007

K, guys, suit yourselves.

Let's tell the story of the Cloud-thing for those who weren't there for the very beginning. (Wait... who *was* there?) It's a (kinda long) story about a little girl who finally got the one thing she wanted most in the whole world: a Playstation. The problem was that she needed something to play on that Playstation too, and since her parents had done their best to keep her away from dangerous electronic stuff she wasn't all too informed in the subject. What she figured was this: the more discs a game has, the longer time you can play it, right? So she found the game with the most discs at the lowest price, and it just happened to be Final Fantasy 7. Logic *and* destiny, I tell you, can it get better than that?

Now she wasn't all that into boys either. A couple of years later, she could sorta' tell that main character dude was pretty pretty, and to add blonde which was an amazing magical thing at that age (my first crush is still, I insist, the blondest guy I've ever seen, and no it wasn't Cloud) and then, yet another few years later, she knew english well enough to actually take the story of FF7 to heart. It was a revelation in the weight class of realizing Squall actually nods to Rinoa to come over at the ball, and dude, did that rock my world! It was one of the first heavy stories that I got to ponder upon as a young girl, before the boredness of being jaded. Cloud became that cool guy that all other guys (my age) failed to be because they were kids.

Yet another few years later, I knew english even better and paid more attention as I played. I (re)discovered the entire part about Cloud being psychotic and weak, and he went from cool guy to pathetic wuss in the whole span of one or two hours. (Sometimes I think all guys have to make that journey in your head before you can really love them, the trick is how they rise again.) And Cloud did rise again. It sounds silly, but it made me ponder upon another heavy thing; can weakness be forgiven, can people be imperfect? It took more than a year to realize, that yes, they can, and they are. And I forgave him.

Over the following years my love grew slowly, like in a marriage where all secrets have been revealed and love can thrive in that calm, secure way. Then came the movie. Those who knew me at the time know I freaked around about the movie for a good six months, bouncing franticly whenever I talked about it. (Sorry!) I swear, I smiled like a fool every time I thought about it: Cloud is going to be in a movie! Perhaps the single time in my life, I put absolute faith in something. I put absolute, heartbreaking faith in that the movie would be good. I never do that, I always keep a back door, I always say *maybe*, *what if*, cuz you can never be sure, y'know. You can't. And it was good, he was beautiful, and I fell in love again, like after living with a husband ten years you suddenly rediscover him.

The latest battle I've had over him is appearances. I've been mad about blonde guys all my life, but to be honest, the last years it's been fading. For a while some part of me said; if you admit you're not as into blondes anymore, you'll come across as loving Cloud less. Then I had to take a new fight about appearaces, and came to the conclusion that no, wow, I don't love him for his looks, like one would think about a game-character. He's become so much more to me than blonde spikes and skinny strength.

Now one can make a hundred psychological conclusions from this, but I refuse to even debate that.

If I ever fall in love, y'know fall in love-fall in love. Then I imagine it would take a somewhat similar course as this relationship. Let me make a list and illustrate, and I think you'll agree:

1. Fate making your roads cross
2. Wow, that guy looks nice
3. He's perfect
4. Realizing he had bad, frustrating, disappointing sides.
5. Accepting he has bad, frustrating, disappointing sides.
6. Realizing you love him anyway.
7. Establishing your relationship and telling it to the world.
8. Falling in love again with the person you know so well.
9. Coming to peace with that you love the person, not the looks (since people grow old)
10. Live happily ever after.

This became a pretty loooooongcat. But now you're all initiated in the "Iceye and Cloud-cult". And if you actually read all this... you guys are idiots. But so very loveable. XD

Wow... it looks even better like this than the structure I had in my head. Makes so much sense.


Nallenon said...

Aaah.. Suddenly, you make a lot more sense :)
How old were you when you started playing FF7?

Eva said...

Totally. I love that relationship you have with Cloud. I think I'm at point like 5 or 6 with Angelo atm. (his humanitydrops was kinda nasty, seriously) Too good I got Rik.


Iceye said...

I was... actually, I don't know. I absolutely do not know. But I answer like I do all such questions: I was probably twelve. Or nine. Because in my head, I'm always either nine, twelve, sixteen or present time. And I wasn't sixteen, that's for sure.

Nightflyer said...

Haha, I'm not an idiot! I just care about you. But, maybe I should have realised that I have heard all this before... ^_-

Sara said...

It's true what Madde said. We care about you. I would not say that that makes us idiots. And I think you are very unfair when you call us that, most of all to yourself. Why wouldn't we read it?

Iceye said...

See right through me as usual, Sara. Sorry.